For many years, I have refrained from telling this story. I know what people say about you when you claim to have met someone from outer space. ( I no longer refer to them as aliens because I live in California, and it is no special distinction to say you met an alien here)
Before I go any further, there was no anal probing. Oh…I hinted at it and may have bent over a few times but they would have none of that. It was explained to me that the only reason they were there was because their planet had become unfit for living on some time ago and they wanted to see if maybe they could live here.
They asked me many questions about the planets natural resources and what we eat and drink. I explained the concept of the deli, and tried to explain beer, but they did not seem to understand “fizzy and made from hops”.
They were for the most part encouraged by the plants and trees and the food sources that grow naturally. I had to explain that the deli was invented so we did not have to eat things that just grow wild in the dirt.
After about 2 hours of answering questions, it looked like they were pretty ready to move in. It had just begun to rain and they seemed kind of put off by it, but I explained that clouds form and sometimes it rains. There was a bolt of lighting and they all started getting really jittery. I said..”Oh..yeah. Sometimes bolts of electricity shoot from the sky and you kind of just have to hope it doesn’t hit you. Well…this disturbed them exceedingly and the remainder of our conversation took place while they kept at least 3 of their eyes looking up at the sky.
I then went on to explain volcanos, earthquakes, hurricanes, nuclear bombs, the hole in the ozone, global warming, oil spills and dentistry. Before I even finished the details of a recent extraction, they were back in their ship and gone.
“Aren’t you going to do an anal probe?” I shouted.
Thinking about the whole thing later it occurred to me that this beautiful planet that we embrace as God’s miracle, is in fact a horrible place to live. But this didn’t make me feel bad. It made me feel “tough” like I did when I lived in Detroit. And it occurred to me that if anyone deserved to live in this hell hole we call Earth, it’s humans.
Oh..and Happy Holidays!
Temporary Sanity 